#Basedvice II

Lil B or BASEDGOD cares deeply about the quality of your life. At its core, Lil B’s philosophy ascertains that each person should “love yourself and accept.” Lil B’s calls for positivity and self-respect inform his every action.

In the spirit of self-love, The GUM is proud to publish Lil B’s syndicated advice column, #basedvice. 

Dear BasedGod,

What’s the deal with Ovaltine?

(Ovaltine Pun Preferably)

Dear (Ovaltine Pun),

Milk is acidic and Ovaltine is an attempt to make it #based, but it is fake based and should not be drank by any #basedesciple.  It comes from Britain, and if we wanted to be English we’d adopt the metric system (Bill O’Reilly voice).

-Lil B the Basedgod

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Dear Basedgod,

What are your thoughts on Nietzsche?

(Name)

Dear (Name),

Nietzsche was a very influential thinker, and I have great respect for him as a fellow philosopher. However, like most dead people, he got a few things wrong and strayed from the #based path. Shame. He thought “God is dead,” but look around you, is Lil B dead?  He’s a legend, a myth, but he definitely exists.  And in him resides the spirit of BasedGod.  From him, positivity and optimism permeate throughout the world, fighting the fake based everywhere and constantly, a rare ability.  It is a stroke of bad luck that Nietzsche did not live to see the Basedgod, but he is reclining in Basedworld right now, with sublime pleasure.

-Lil B the BasedGod

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Dear BasedGod,

When we dream, do we go to a different universe? How Many universes could there be in the world?

Love,

Dreamin’ in Basedworld

Dear Dreamin’ in Basedworld,

Wow, great question, truly #based.  You are taken to a different universe, a universe where anything is possible (or is the universe you?).  When you dream, you must work to permeate positivity!  You’ll carry that positivity into your rare wake-state and spread the based lifestyle throughout the world! But stay vigilant, you are also at the most risk from being infected by the fakebased!  This is where nightmares come from.  Next time fakebased is infiltrating your mind, remember Lil B is here for you, you are stronger than the negative things in your life, and will overcome them, because you are great and deserve to be alive and I love you.

-Lil B

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Dear BasedGod,

How did the cat get nine lives and what does he need them for?

Purrfessor Paws

Dear Purrfessor,

Wow. First of all, I wanna say shouts out to all felines – cats, tigers, house cats – you feel me? Cats get a lot of love from me. Cats get nine lives because they represent so much good in the world. When I see a cat or when I am in the presence of a cat, the atmosphere changes, you know what I mean? I actually own a cat – her name is Keke and she is a beautiful tabby cat. Shouts out to all cat owners, especially if you got the cat from a shelter – that’s very rare.

-Lil B

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Lil B, what is self-gov?

Love,

Chloe

Chloe,

Self-governance is the ultimate form of love and positivity, you feel me? It’s like, if I wanna be who I wanna be and I wanna do what I wanna do, that’s okay, you know?  Just don’t tread on people, ya feel me? Self-gov is the ultimate form of positivity and it gets love from me. People gotta respect each other, even when they’re different or have different beliefs. Shouts out to everybody representing self-gov in Grinnell, Iowa. Wow, self-governance is very rare.

-Lil B

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Dear BasedGod,

How do I find the clitoris? I’ve searched everywhere.

Peabody Plumpus

Dear Peabody,

Before I answer this question I wanna encourage everyone to get tested for STDs and be positive to their lovers. People gotta love each other and respect each others bodies. Sexual violence and harassment is extremely unbased. Shouts out to Obamacare and all the people in the healthcare business working towards getting people the help they need.

The clitoris is a very elusive part of the female body. For some “how-to” based knowledge I encourage you to listen to my songs “Back of Yo Neck” and “Pussy on My Face.” Please be positive when having sex and remember to always get consent.

-Lil B

Edited by Misha Rindisbacher and Aaron Mendelson

1 Comment

  1. LIL B THE BASED GOD

    May 11, 2014 at 8:07 PM

    very #rare

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