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Lil B or BASEDGOD cares deeply about the quality of your life. At its core, Lil B’s philosophy ascertains that each person should “love yourself and accept.”

While his songs do not consistently reinforce this message—trumpeting his sexual prowess and wealth or disparaging rivals for shopping at Whole Foods—Lil B’s calls for positivity and self-respect inform his every action.

In the spirit of self-love, The GUM is proud to publish Lil B’s third advice column, #basedvice.

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Lil Byrd, or Rothbyrd Ian, cares deeply about the quality of your bizarre symbolic fantasies. Since there is no core, Lil Byrd’s philosophy instead is concerned with becoming-plant and thinks your objet petit a is very 2008.

While not a professional musician, Lil Byrd is a well-established shame free internet presence and calls for a destruction of the self in every selfie he takes.

In the spirit of Under Armour Sporting Goods, queering the keg stand, and Marlboro Smooths, the #GUM is nervous yet aroused to publish Lil Byrd’s advice column, #byrdvice.

I am a first-year and feel like I don’t have enough friends. Will I ever make more friends here at Grinnell?

-Friendless and Forlorn.

Dear Friendless and Forlorn,

Wow, we startin’ out real today! Moving to a new place filled with strange people can be a very scary. I know because I’m always traveling. Sometimes you can be feel really lonely. All you have to remember is to stay #based and be yourself. Chances everyone else is feelin’ the same way you are, and would really appreciate it if you ventured out and talked to them. The world only stands up because we lean on each other, we need to make a strong foundation of friendships if we are going to succeed in life. -Lil B

Dear F&F,

Procuring a social media presence will make or break you. I suggest live tweeting your sad soggy oatmeal or getting off the grid completely. Either way you will be quirky! People are only friends with quirky kids. -Lil Byrd

I always feel overwhelmed at Grinnell, with all the homework and socializing and extracurriculars. How do I gain clarity of mind?

-Trynna get Mindful

Dear Trynna get Mindful,

I have trouble balancing my life too. Between concerts, lectures, book signings, composing, repping the streets, promoting the #based life, and playing with and producing the music of Keke the Adopted Tabby Cat, it sometimes feel like I have too much to do! Whenever that happens, I stop, take a deep breath, and ask myself, “What would the Basedgod do?” The answer comes to me in a flash of inspiration that leaves me calm, collected and with no doubt in my mind as to what to next. tybg! -Lil B

Dear Trynna get Mindful,

First it needs to be recognized that enlightenment and other such notions of “mindfulness” have been co-opted by capital long ago. Counter-discourses, alienation, hegemonic norms, these are what you need to be meditating about at night. Get unsettled. -Lil Byrd

Will the haters ever falter?

The haters never leave, and the better you become as a person, the more they show up! Haters told me I wouldn’t make it, haters said I couldn’t make an album titled “I’m Gay (I’m Happy),” haters said I can’t wear tight pants, haters said pink bandanas were ugly, haters even say the Basedgod isn’t real. They’re all wrong. Cut the haters out of your life and only listen to them for that extra motivation to prove them wrong by going all the way! You can do it, I believe in you and love you. -Lil B

The concept of “hater” is just a projection of your ego, a displacing of your unconscious desires.  -Lil Byrd

How do I feel more comfortable dancing in Gardner? I am always so concerned about what people will think.

-Self-conscious

 Dear Self-conscious,

If the people around you cannot accept you for who you are, no matter how embarrassingly you dance, then you don’t need those negative influences in your life. Rid yourself of those bad energies, thank the Basedgod for all your fortune, and get down and dance. I recommend cooking, it’s equal parts sophisticated and playful…playfully introspective even, letting everyone know you mean business, but don’t take yourself too seriously. Stay #based -Lil B

Dear Self-conscious, 

Literally throw off the chains of identity politics that shackle us all. You are an effect of ideologies so just let it all go and blast that Ariana Grande.-Lil Byrd

Editor’s Note:  Thank you so much to those who submitted anonymous questions to Lil B and Lil Byrd. We didn’t get to answering all your questions this time around, but no fear! More to come from these wise sages. For those of you who would love to have your question answered, please submit here.