Clip it, Lick it, and Kiss it: Fingernails, Oral Sex, and the Mysteries of the Clitoris

Folks, I have one simple request for you; before you touch something sensitive, a clitoris for example, cut your goddamn fingernails. Guess what? The clit is sensitive (that’s kind of the whole point, right?) and therefore, if you have razors on the ends of your fingers, your partner probably isn’t going to be very happy about you touching them. There’s nothing that kills the mood quite like a burst of shooting pain right as things were starting to get interesting…

I mean, seriously! You’ll be making out and clothes will start coming off- you’re thinking, “Damn, she’s hot.” She’ll ask, “Can I take your panties off?” and you say, “Yes- and you can touch anything you want” (because, and I can’t say this enough, CONSENT IS SEXY AND NOT AT ALL OPTIONAL). She’ll slowly move her hands down your abdomen and inch closer to your clit, telling you exactly what she’s going to do to you- (she knows how it turns you on to hear it). Right as you get really excited- wet, wild, and ready to go, her razor nails nearly slice your clit in half and the mood is dead. Of course, your clit probably hasn’t actually suffered any serious damage but it sure as hell feels like it. There’s something about having 8,000 sensory nerve endings in a spot about the size of a pea that makes things, errr…down there…a little bit sensitive. So, next time, clip your goddamn fingernails and save us all the pain!

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Now that we’ve established that clipping the fingernails is a MUST, let’s talk oral sex-lesbian style. If you were anything like I was my first time, you’ve probably had or are going to have that moment where you think to yourself, “Holy shit, what the fuck am I supposed to do down there?” Another common question, “Wait, I put my tongue where?” And of course, the classic, “So, do I just lick that clit thing like a lollipop until she tells me she’s cum?”

Odds are we’ve all experienced a question or two along those lines. Going down on someone is a potentially terrifying and utterly foreign concept for most people. You might’ve seen something in a movie or on TV, but odds are the screen will fade to black or an awkwardly staged shot of intertwining legs before any of the good stuff starts. You see one woman slowly move from kissing her partners lips to kissing her breasts and continually moving lower and lower until the inevitable fade out (cue the sighs of disappointment from lesbians everywhere- all we want is to see is one woman eating out another, is that really asking so much!?)

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So, there you are- getting ready to eat out your first pussy and you need to decide, “What the fuck am I going to do?” The answer; whatever the hell she tells you to do. Thing is, the movies never show a woman telling her partner what she wants and so most people don’t realize that it is okay to tell your partner what feels good and that it’s also okay to ask. If you’re having sex with someone who is worth your time they won’t judge you for not having any experience and if they do, they’re likely not worth having sex with in the first place because it will lack the trust and openness that truly fulfilling sex requires. You should ask her, “What do you like? What feels good?” and if she doesn’t know or hasn’t had sex before, ask her if there’s anything she wants you to try. Give things a shot and ask her how she feels- it’s a perfect opportunity to simultaneously increase the quality of your sex and ensure active and continuous consent. Sex is about trying things out- so just go for it! Don’t be nervous, everyone has different preferences and no one expects you to be a mind reader. Just practice open and honest communication with your partner and establish that expectation going into things.

Sex is messy, sex is fun, and sex is weird. Everyone does it differently- there is no perfect recipe for great sex, no single way to eat a girl out. The clit is not a magic orgasm button that you just poke at until she cums. Sex is a dialogue and requires the active and willing participation of all parties. It needs to happen in a place where everyone involved feels comfortable enough to put their fears, shame, and discomfort aside and actually say what they want! So go for it- clip your nails and touch everything she wants you to. Lick her clit, kiss her pussy like you would her lips, hell, even trace out the alphabet with your tongue if she says it feels good! Just make sure to ask what she wants and what she likes, and of course, let her know what works for you as well. Have at it, everyone- go off and have those delicious sexual conversations!