hum hum chirps the spider, hum ho hee

his cold cat call to the sugarplum tree

web spinning, heart singing, eight-legged grin

hum ho hum he chides, happy as sin


chirp chirp chants the mockingbird, chirpy chirrarp

gosh! by golley is that a giraffe?

neck leaning, beak poking, the ring got you good!

there are no giraffes in this neighbourhood


owl sits with pussycat, howls meow twoot meow

one day together, but not right now

an unusual pairing, wouldn’t you say?

word on the street says that pussy is gay?


there, there, my darlings, my sweet little ducks

hum ho chirp chirp, come on you sad fucks

wake up you bastards and turn on your thinkers

you’re ultimately doomed if you’re scared to tinker


this cold cat call to a sugary grave

i dare you to follow me – you said you was brave

tears rolling down your chest, with your poor fractured spine

it’s time for daddy to take back what’s mine


i’ll eke out my seed from your unfortunate eyes

peel off your skin and muffle your cries

my cold cat call to saint sugarplum tree

gave me six fat kids and an arthritic knee